1 week later

June 4, 2009

Dear Family and Friends,

It's Thursday, almost one week after my last (and final!) chemotherapy treatment and I'm feeling a little better. I would like to say a lot better but I’m not quite there yet. I'm still waking up early, my head hurts and I continue with no appetite but some nausea. My stomach is still bloated so my clothes don't fit and feel tight and uncomfortable. For now, I am just doing the best I can by putting a smile on my face and going into work...many of you know the drill!

Last night I had my wig washed and blown out again. Boy, do I hate that wig ~ it just isn't me. I look and feel like I'm wearing a helmet. I walked into the salon at our scheduled early evening appointment so as to have the salon to ourselves as I de-wig. Linda washed the wig and then trimmed my remaining hair. I am not completely bald as some may suppose. I do have some hair that remains. It looks like a man’s head actually with a little sparse stuff on top of my head and a little more hair on the sides (I think I look more and more like David!). Anne actually refers to looks like the one I’m sporting as a reverse Mohawk (think Kate from Jon and Kate +8). Linda trimmed the hair so that a few long strands aren’t sticking out at the top of my head and this made me feel better. My immediate hair plan? As soon as my hair is long enough to not cause anyone to stare, I’m going wigless.

Vanity –isn’t that what this wig discussion is all about? Brings to mind a comment Anne made recently when we went for the radiation simulation appointment. We had walked into the little changing / waiting room and one of David’s patients that I recently met is in the room awaiting her radiation treatment. She sees us and smiles the nicest, warmest smile, stood up to give me a hug and really made me feel so welcomed in a place where I was not too excited to be. Later, Anne and I were standing in the bathroom while I was putting on a gown and she spontaneously inquires, “Is that the patient that wears the scarf that you said looks so good but you just don’t think a scarf like that would look good on you?” I said, “Yes, doesn’t she look great?” Anne innocently replies, “Yeah, of course she looks great in the scarf. She’s gorgeous!” Okay, well I didn’t respond at the time but I’ve certainly contemplated her comment since…

Yesterday I was standing in the check-in area of the office and one of the pharmaceutical representatives walked in. I am very familiar with her because I once hired her years ago to work with us in research at the hospital although I haven’t seen her in several months. She sees me standing there and with an animated face and a voice that to me sounded like she was bellowing from the rooftop says, “Veronica! You’ve had a make-over?!” I cannot believe what I am hearing. I have never equated what I’ve been through to a “make-over.”

So there you have it, the perfect self-talk we should all have during chemotherapy. It isn’t that I have lost my hair, I’m wearing a wig, my clothes no longer fit and I can’t sleep so my face is aging before my eyes ….I’ve had a make-over!”

Thoughts and prayers for all of you.

Love,

Veronica