Dear Family and Friends,

It’s Sunday morning early and I’m sitting here at the kitchen counter with my second cup of coffee enjoying the quiet. It’s been a heck of a week at home and at work. Forget the fact that I’m half way through my radiation treatments and daily treatments had to be completed. Here’s what happened:

Radiation Treatment: So this was considered the start of my fourth week out of six and one-half weeks of radiation treatments. I started the treatments on June 30^th. They treat every week day (except for the day before a holiday, like the 4^th of July). I completed 18 treatments as of Friday July 24^th. I have 15 more treatments. The last eight treatments are given directly to the tumor site and not to the entire breast and they are referred to as a ‘boost’. This week after one of my treatments, I had an appointment for the team to measure me for the ‘boost’ treatments. It took about 30 minutes and my arm fell asleep as I was in the ‘cradle’ with my arms over my head for most of the time. They sometimes put another tattoo on the skin indicating the tumor bed site; however, they did have an optional semi-permanent ink. I opted for the ink. I don’t want any more reminders of this cancer. It may mean they have to add more ink during the remainder of my treatment should the ink start to fade. Also, I’m to be careful not to wash it off. My breast looks burned in a funny fashion where it looks like a rectangle burn (not something one would get from wearing a swim suit on the beach). I can’t say my breast hurts but I can’t lay on it anymore without feeling uncomfortable. I don’t look at it much because it makes me feel sad. Dianne continues to drive me to treatment every morning. We leave my house at 7:00am, drive to the hospital, get treatment and usually return by 8:00am. I’m thankful for the company in the morning.

Hair: Yes, as I mentioned in my last blog my hair is returning. I wore a scarf to work for the first time on Monday July 21^st. I know that doesn’t sound like any big deal. As I write it – I’m saying to myself, ‘hey, what’s the difference between a wig and a scarf?’ HUGE DIFFERENCE. When I wear my wig, I think I look somewhat ‘normal’, but when I wear the scarf, others can see I don’t have hair. I look like a cancer patient. I walked over to the hospital on Friday and ran into people that don’t see me everyday like they do at Cancer Care Associates. People looked at me different. I don’t think it was in my imagination. I went without my usual baseball cap to radiation treatment much of the week but I don’t really run into anyone I know at 7:00 am at the hospital radiation suite, so I felt 'safe’. The first day Dianne saw me without a wig or hat she commented – ‘what did you do, put fertilizer on your head, you have so much hair coming in?!’ I repeated that statement at least ten times this week and each time I smiled at the image.

Weight: I’ve been watching what I eat and using the web site calorie counter I mentioned last week. I’m down a couple of pounds and really feel like it is helping with the sense of control. I had all sorts of fears like my metabolism was all crazy from the lack of estrogen, chemotherapy, radiation, stress...on and on. I don’t feel that way now. I feel like I can eat normal, healthy foods, exercise and get my weight back down to what it was before my diagnosis. It’s going to take a while but I feel better about it. Less anxious. I can do this too – I can get back to my pre-cancer weight.

Work: I love my work at Cancer Care Associates (CCA). I’m seeing patients again, helping with administration, starting new programs (like the Survivorship program) and feeling valued. We had a nursing department meeting this week. It’s harder on the nursing staff now than last year. Reimbursements are down for chemotherapy. Medicare and the Blues are paying less, so offices like ours can’t afford the same number of nurses, yet we need to provide the same level of expert care. CCA doesn’t have ‘newbie’ oncology nurses (nurses without oncology experience). We have nurses that have years of experience. They know how to start IV’s, run chemotherapies, prevent or treat side effects, teach, support and provide care at a level higher than any other oncology office. I know it because I work with them but more importantly because they took care of me. You need an experienced oncology nurse concentrating on you when you’re in the infusion chair and when you call from home with concerns. We have that now; I just hope we can sustain it with this current health care crisis.

All the kids are fine. Marc and Dima are heading out to the University of Iowa to start their new life. You can catch a glimpse of Marc performing at Smith Walbridge Drum Major Camp on:

YouTube ---> Marc Decker ---> Mace Demo 2009 - Marc Decker

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love,

Veronica